What a blessing to be in a space where I can leave my blinds open at night and lie watching the twinkling stars and satellites, discovering that the long dry drought affected leaves of the Wilga trees clatter rather than rustle in the breeze and
that Bimble Box tree leaves reflect light and twinkle like fairy lights.
Which one of you has been talking out of class about my Pity Party last night ??
To others who know me or the Cosmos???? LOL
Because this morning at the end of the conversation, I terminated my son's mobile call telling me about a family friend's suicide last night, to take another call.
When I identified the caller I nearly hung up- judgmental B I am...-.thinking spineless, mousey, wimp of a woman under the thumb of an aggressive belligerent husband.
Instead I stood back and politely answered her questions not asking or expecting anything of her - "no, I won't be attending Xmas breakfast for Business & Professional Women this year. I am travelling, writing and photographing and have stepped back from all work & community responsibilities. Yes my heart is fine thanks, the monitor beside my bed sends back daily reports. Yes on a great wring course and your daughter could access a scholarship to attend the next Paika one in March...."
Then it all came tumbling out - unbelievable !!! Its like she is going to start the Yvonne J Fan Club the rave she was doing about me as a role model, mentor, brave, courageous and all round good bod!! -She has been watching me for years and after completing the Women's Leadership Program I created she is stepping back from running her husband's electrical business and is starting an import business. I had introduced her publicly at the launch of the program saying that it was time she stepped out of the shadows and into the Light as she has been the silent partner who has done everything in their successful business except wiring power points. I had arrived late to the function and had not realized that her husband was going to be there listening but I took a big breath and said it anyway. Actually that night I was on a downhill slide with my heart and this was to be my swansong, so I was in a tizz because I was late & he was there etc I pretended I couldn't work the flashlight and handed it to HIM to make a spotlight for her when I introduced her as an emerging leader and then said how lucky they were to have each other. I haven't broken my heart for nothing, I have done good, just gotta change the tune in my head, do some dragon slaying and take that little unloved, unwanted, lonely, desperate to be noticed and acknowledged little girl out of her shadows and into her own wee spotlight. Bless you all and thank you for shining your flashlights on me.
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