At the 40th Swan Hill Australia Day Breakfast and at Lake Boga and Woorinen functions it was announced that I have been awarded an Order of Australia Medal for service to the communities of the Swan Hill Region.
There has been an amazing response from family and friends congratulating me and wishing me well.
I returned to Swan Hill and Lake Boga to attend these functions -it was an emotional and teary time for me.
In the plane on my way back up northwest, I watched a documentary on Adam Goodes the AFL footballer.
He spoke about winning his first Brownlow medal making him feel comfortable in his skin for the first time.
My OAM and public response to it, has had the same effect on me- I now feel able, acknowledged, valued, and very peaceful inside myself.
The Wandering Retreat I have embarked on around the map of Australia in the old mobile home,- leaving behind all community, work, and family commitments- was to be a healing time of rest and refreshing brain and body.
Widowed by Barry’s illness and death 10 years ago, I had to recreate myself as a person living alone, coming to terms with all that that entailed.
Still, when asked by the GG’s office if I would accept the award 3 months ago, the person I thought I had become, took a nose dive deep into a pit of -I am not worthy of this- I am ‘not good enough’.
The whole Impostor Syndrome thing swung into gear- I wrote my way up and out of that deep pit - this is what I wrote:
Swan Song
I am not the person I was back when I began writing 18 months ago.
I was right, others were wrong.
I wore my heart out emotionally and physically.
My body, fitness, sight and hearing were compromised.
Stepping back from all the pressures of community involvement helped me see that I had been overdoing it again and again.
I was given a second chance at life with a pacemaker and no medications.
Not knowing I was searching for self, Yvonne A Jennings set off on a quest to find sacred souls and places and discovered
Yevie aka Yvonne A McKerrow Jennings.
My journey of being totally vulnerable in separating from my cosy environment and known community, had me looking in the mirror and around me with new eyes.
Now- I am learning to know and love myself and who I am
I am accepting my age and have stopped fighting ageing.
I stopped fighting against being born a girl in a male dominated, misogynist family and community.
My upbringing in a family and culture where males were favoured, combined with a feisty nature and acute sense of justice, led me to morph into whichever behaviour was relevant at the time - I was never good enough.
Recently, I have experienced such a wealth of happiness, good fortune and wonder, that I have been deathly afraid that something bad would happen.
My old “I do not deserve such richness because I am an unworthy, worthless, shame-filled person” spoke up loudly instead of covertly this time.
She spoke so loudly that she stopped me in my tracks.
I made myself sick to numb it all down.
I grew an ugly spreading cold sore all over my nose
I analysed my unworthiness for an OAM and discovered that:
I am most worthy.
I asked my angel guides to help me.
I stepped back, stripped down to my soul.
I looked honestly into my own eyes.
I listened to my heart and my soul.
I liked what I saw and heard.
I know there are at least three sides to every story.
I eat and drink what I need to nourish my body, soul and spirit.
I walk to strengthen this body and am grateful for what I can do.
I am reaching out to get my PHD in caring and commitment again.
I am at peace
I am comfortable in my skin.
My Mum, Dad, and grandmothers would be proud of me having worked through the pain and fear of exposing my vulnerable self.
OAM Award acceptance 26-1-2020
I can think of many, many people in our community who are worthy of this award today – that I have been chosen, is humbling, and I thank sincerely, the folk who nominated me.
No single person achieves alone.
I was blessed to be born with talents in organising and helping, and fortunate to have had opportunities to develop and grow these gifts.
My passage through life has not always been smooth, but I am fortunate to have been able to rise above, what at times was crippling.
Those experiences underpin my commitment to others in my community – and perhaps my ability to see opportunity, where others may see only threats.
With help, I was able to overcome and move on to lead others – so they too, in turn, could lead their neighbours and communities in strengthening and developing our region.
My first foray into community work was at age 5 - in the 1950s - when radio 3SH ran a fundraiser for the Swan Hill Hospital.
I was allowed to go door knocking, collecting pennies for the hospital, in return for punching a hole in a square on a card.
Sounds minor, but it was the foundation of my realising, you can push through fear of the unknown, do something small for the bigger picture, and take on the responsibility of being accountable to your community.
My Dad died during my final year of school – and this brought RSL Swan Hill Legacy and Legatee George Livingstone into my life. George quietly and gently supported Mum and me, emotionally and financially, so that I was able to complete school and move on to Bendigo Teacher’s College to train as a primary school teacher.
Ever since I left school, I have gained enormous satisfaction from volunteering to do small things for the bigger picture.
Doing what I could for other people was my way of repaying our debt to George, and the other organisations that supported us. This gratitude has stayed with me all my life.
Thank you to my family, and to all those who have supported and encouraged me along the way.
Special Thank you :
- to the extraordinary women of BPW, who have encouraged me whenever I popped up with a seemingly crazy or big idea
-to Loddon Murray Community Leadership Program founders and graduates, who set me firmly on my leadership path,
- to Swan Hill Rural City Council councillors and staff,
- to Australian Women in Local Government who supported and encouraged me, particularly in the realm of diversity of age and gender in local government
- to Swan Hill Sunrise Rotary one of the many groups and friends who helped keep me laughing when times were tough.
In accepting this award, I have had to find the courage to say yes, because for more than 70 years I have given freely the gift of myself to my community.
This recognition of my worthiness - by my nominators & the Office of the G G, has opened my eyes to seeing that I am enough - as I am - warts and all.
We need each other to shine, as we are, to accept each other, as we are. Regardless of who you are, or what you have to offer, our greatest collective strength is you people in our community – and acceptance of our gifts and strengths is the greatest gift of all that we can offer other people.
Bless each and every one of you as we continue to work together.
May our region continue to grow and prosper.